


You're Safe Here

by soft_satan



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Sexual Assault, Crying, Dating, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Evan "Buck" Buckley Needs A Hug, Eventual Romance, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Men Crying, Protective Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), READ AUTHOR'S NOTE FOR TRIGGER WARNING, Romance, Sad Evan "Buck" Buckley, Soft Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:07:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29371296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soft_satan/pseuds/soft_satan
Summary: Buck has decided to date around and try to find someone who can help him get over his feelings for his best friend, but dating is rough, and Buck might not have to get over his feelings after all.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 404





	You're Safe Here

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING non spoilery. detailed trigger warning is in the author's note at the bottom.
> 
> there's a brief moment of very mild sexual assault. everything is over the clothes, it's basically just grinding but the victim is being restrained against their will. if that will bother you, please don't read. i know it can trigger me sometimes. stay safe 💞

It was the date from hell, but Buck was a people pleaser who was desperate for love and attention, so he had let it go on for much longer than a person with a shred of self esteem would have. It started going downhill before the date had even started. The guy had been over thirty minutes late, but a somewhat plausible explanation was enough to earn Buck’s forgiveness.

That was Buck’s first mistake.

His date was a talker, and not just someone who talked a lot about random things like Buck. No, Marvin would interrupt Buck’s anecdotes with his own, then never let Buck finish what he was saying before changing the topic. Buck had barely gotten a word in edgewise throughout their meal. But Buck forgave that too, brushing it off as first date nervousness.

Mistake number two.

The dinner went on a bit too long for Buck’s preference, what with his date talking a mile a minute about himself with his mouth full, being rude to the wait staff, and interrupting to mansplain about whatever Buck had just been talking about. Maddie was not kidding when she said it was infuriating. Overall, it was the worst date of his entire life. Including the one where he almost choked to death. Mindlessly stroking the scar on his neck, he tried to listen, or at least look like he was listening, while they waited for the check. He wondered if maybe he should try to choke on something just to get out of there faster, but he didn’t have anyone around he trusted to give him another emergency tracheotomy.

When the waitress came back with their check, Buck struggled to not sigh in relief too loudly. The night was almost over. Buck reached for the little black book. “I’d rather split the bill, if that’s okay with you. I don’t like to make my dates pay the whole tab on the first date.”

“Yeah, sure. First, I gotta take a leak,” Marvin said, a little too loudly, as he stood up. “Be right back.”

“Yeah, okay,” Buck sighed, barely containing his eye roll and groan of annoyance until Marvin was out of earshot.

When fifteen minutes went by without any sign of Marvin returning, Buck started to get suspicious. Another 20 minutes pretty much confirmed it.

The asshole had left Buck to pay the entire bill.

With a pissed off grumble, Buck stuck his card into the bill book and slammed it down on the table, crossing his arms over his chest as he slumped down in his seat.

…

His next attempt at a date was not much better than Marvin, but he didn’t realize it quite as quickly.

The woman was beautiful, with long blonde hair and a bright smile. She seemed nice enough in their text chats on the dating app, but Buck was still a bit nervous. It was easy to have a conversation over text, when you had the time to think over your responses and phrase them just right. Talking in person could get very awkward very fast.

Claire was on time to the restaurant, a step up from Marvin for sure. As soon as they started talking, Buck could tell that she was intelligent, sweet, and pleasant to talk to. She asked questions and let Buck finish whatever he was saying, not interrupting him once. Talking to her was easy, and their conversation flowed without an awkward pause. And man, was she funny. By the time their meals came, Buck was already mentally planning what they could do for a second date.

When they were about halfway through their meal, in the middle of a conversation about meerkats, Buck started to notice that Claire’s eyes kept flicking over to a table somewhere behind him. He thought it was strange, but she seemed to be paying attention, so he just shrugged it off and went on with what he was saying.

Suddenly Claire let out an obnoxiously loud laugh despite the fact he hadn’t said anything funny. Reaching across the table, she laid a hand on his arm. “Oh, Evan! You’re so funny!”

“Claire?”

Buck was absolutely confused until he turned to see the man who had spoken his date’s name. He was a good looking dude, with dark hair and glasses. His brow was scrunched as he glanced between the two of them, looking about as confused as Buck felt.

“Billy! Hi! Funny seeing you here!” Claire cooed, voice dripping with faux innocence. “This is Evan, my new boyfriend.”

Buck’s head snapped around to look at Claire with wide eyes. What the fuck was going on?

“Oh…” the man, Billy, mumbled. “Uh… that’s-- that’s nice.”

Buck looked back and forth between the two like he was watching a tennis match, slowly putting the pieces together.

“What are you doing here? On a date?” Claire asked, folding her arms and leaning against the table to show off her ample cleavage.

Buck looked to Billy for his answer and caught the man blatantly staring at Claire’s chest. “A… a work thing. I’m having dinner with a potential investor. But you knew that, didn’t you?”

“Wow, I would’ve assumed you were on a date. You look very handsome tonight,” she said, avoiding his question. Claire squeezed Buck’s hand, and that seemed to be the thing that finally shook Buck out of his shock. “But not quite as good as my new boyfriend, Evan.”

“I’m not--”

“I want you back, Claire!” Billy cried, and all eyes in the restaurant were suddenly on the three of them. “I still love you!”

“I still love you, too!” Clair sobbed, jumping up from the table and throwing her arms around Billy’s neck. “You’re right, I knew you’d be here. I just wanted an excuse to see you!”

Buck heaved a sigh and stood from the table as his date started playing tonsil hockey with her ex boyfriend in the middle of the restaurant. “Nice to meet you both,” he mumbled awkwardly as he slipped by them, but neither of them seemed to notice.

Billy could pick up the tab.

…

Nate was gorgeous. Dark curly hair, sultry brown eyes, and a jawline that could cut diamonds. He was already at the restaurant when Buck arrived right on time, and that alone was enough to impress Buck. Yes, maybe the bar was on the ground, but after the series of horrible dates he’d had since joining the dating apps, could you really blame him?

“Hey, Nate?” Buck asked as he approached, smiling as the man shot up from his seat and extended a hand.

Buck wasn’t used to being around people who were taller than him, but Nate had a good two to three inches on him, and Buck found it kinda hot having to look up at someone for once.

“Hi! It’s so nice to finally meet you, Evan.” Nate’s voice was like melted chocolate, warm and smooth and oh so sweet.

“Yeah, you too.” Buck shook his hand and they both took their seats, settling into a conversation almost immediately.

The date went on well past dessert, the two of them so engrossed in a thrilling conversation. Neither of them noticed how late it was getting until the waiter brought the check and gently informed them they were getting ready to close.

“Wow,” Buck chuckled. “I didn’t even notice everyone else leaving.”

“Me neither. I was too distracted by how gorgeous you are.”

Buck felt the heat rise to his face immediately and he choked on a nervous chuckle. “Um, thanks. You’re not so bad looking yourself.”

Just as Buck was reaching for it, Nate snatched up the bill book. “I’ve got it.”

“I don’t mind splitting it.”

“Nonsense! Let me treat you,” Nate grinned, shooting Buck a wink.

Buck knew his face was turning an even deeper shade of red, but there was nothing he could do about it. “Thank you. I’ll pay next time.”

Nate raised an eyebrow, smirking. “Is that how you’re going to ask me out on a second date?”

“I was trying to be smooth.” Buck rubbed the back of his neck with a nervous chuckle, feeling vulnerable under Nate’s gaze. “Did it work?”

The other man huffed in amusement as he slipped his platinum card into the book and set it on the table. “Yes. Yes, it did.”

Buck felt like he was walking on air as they left the restaurant. Nate offered to walk Buck to his Jeep, and Buck agreed just to have an excuse to keep talking. The taller man was easy to talk to, listened intently, and showed interest in everything Buck said. Nate was everything Buck was looking for, exactly the distraction he needed. It was too early to even call it a crush, much less love, but Buck could definitely see himself falling for Nate.

“Here we are,” Buck said, almost sadly, as they reached the Jeep.

“So, uh…” Nate started, slowly getting closer to Buck, hands in his pockets in a casual stance. “My place or yours?”

Buck’s heart sank as his brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

Nate scoffed, taking another step closer. “I’m pretty sure you know what I mean.”

Buck tried to back away from him, but he only got two steps before his back hit the driver’s door. He shook his head, squaring his shoulders and trying to make himself look taller. Nate wasn’t that much taller, and Buck was pretty sure he wasn’t as strong as Buck. Still, his stomach twisted with anxiety. “I don’t do that on the first date.”

“Bullshit,” Nate rolled his eyes. “My friend Marcy said you two used to fuck all the time, said you were easy.”

Buck bristled, heart sagging with disappointment. The night had been going so well. “That’s not me anymore,” he grumbled.

Nate took another step forward, his chest now only inches away from Buck’s. “Come on, man. I bought you dinner. Doesn’t that at least earn me a blowjob?”

“Fuck off.” Buck spat, pushing him away.

But Nate grabbed his wrists in a bruising grip. In a flash Buck was pressed against the side of his Jeep, arms pinned to either side of his head. Buck tried to pull himself free, but quickly found that the other man was much stronger than he had assumed. Nate’s chest became an uncomfortable pressure against Buck’s as Nate pressed his body against him, fully pinning him against the Jeep as he ground his hips into Buck’s. It made Buck’s stomach churn.

“Come on, Evan,” Nate purred in a sultry voice, as if he thought the feeling of Nate’s dick pressing into his was turning him on instead of making him feel violated. He leaned in close, nose brushing against Buck’s, garlic breath making Buck gag. “Once a whore, always a whore.”

With one hard nod Buck slammed his forehead into Nate’s nose. The man screamed in pain and released him instantly, stumbling back with blood gushing from his nose. Buck didn’t waste a single second he was given and unlocked his Jeep, jumping in as fast as he could and slamming his hand on the lock button.

“You bitch!” Nate screeched as he tried to keep the blood from his nose out of his mouth. “You broke my nose! I’ll fucking kill you!”

Buck had his Jeep started and was pulling away from the curb just as Nate stumbled toward him. He glanced in the rearview several times, watching Nate try to stop his nose from bleeding and praying he didn’t try to follow Buck. His heart was pounding against his ribcage, a lump of emotions in his throat making it difficult to catch his breath. Tears were already pooling along his lash line, but Buck fought to hold it in. He knew that once he started crying, it would be a while before he stopped.

…

He wasn’t sure how he’d gotten there, figuring his body had steered him there of its own volition. Not the safest way to drive, but he’d made it in one piece. The only thing he did know was why he’d ended up there. He needed to feel safe. He needed to not be alone. Even if the other occupants of the house were sound asleep, just knowing they were there would be enough.

The house was dark, save for the white light glowing through the sheer curtains in the kitchen window. The light above the sink was left on every night. He sat there for a few moments, watching in his mirrors for any signs of another car. He knew that he had turned the corner before Nate had even gotten to his car. It was impossible for him to have followed Buck, but still, he was scared.

It took about fifteen minutes for him to finally convince himself that Nate wasn’t going to come out of the shadows and follow through on his threat. His fear made him move quickly from the car to the porch, his eyes darting around the area just in case. He fumbled with his keys, his fingers trembling and making it difficult to sort through them. Finally, he got the door open, slipping inside as quickly and quietly as he possibly could, shutting the door softly behind him. Once the lock was back in place and the code was entered into the security system by the door, Buck felt his fear beginning to bleed out of him. He slumped against the door, pressing his sore and throbbing forehead against the cool wood. He was finally safe.

After catching his breath, Buck moved through the house by the glow of the sink light and his memory, not wanting to risk waking anyone up by turning on a light. He undid his belt and pulled it out of the loops, gently setting it on the coffee table. Sinking down into the plush cushions of the sofa, Buck released a soft sigh of relief. He laid down, grabbing the throw blanket off the back of the couch as he went. Yes, maybe he was still trembling, but the smell of Eddie on the throw blanket soothed away most of the fear that was left in his chest.

But it didn’t stop the tears from finally breaking free. A soft gasping sob practically echoed in the dark, empty living room, even as Buck tried to keep it in. He had to be quiet. Eddie was a light sleeper as well as a father. If anything was going to wake him up, it would be the sound of someone crying.

When a light came on, Buck startled, barely stopping himself from falling off the couch.

“Buck?” Eddie asked, voice low and thick with sleep. “It’s almost midnight. What are you doing here?”

Now sitting up, all Buck could do was stare at Eddie, mouth open to speak but lacking any way to explain himself simply enough that Eddie would allow him to stay and go back to bed. “I--”

“Wait… Is that blood on your forehead?” Eddie’s tired eyes seemed to become a bit more alert as he studied Buck’s face. “Are you crying?”

Suddenly he couldn’t hold back any longer, and tears began to pour. Eddie’s eyes widened with alarm and he moved slowly toward Buck, as if he were approaching a wild animal.

“Buck, what happened?”

His voice came out so much smaller and more broken than he meant it to, but Buck was losing the will to hold himself together. Maybe Eddie would be willing to hold him together for a bit, just to give him a break. “Bad date.”

Eddie sat beside Buck and pulled him close. Buck went willingly, curling into his best friend’s side as Eddie wrapped his arms around him. “You’re shaking. What happened? Are you hurt?”

Buck shook his head, pressing his face to Eddie’s shoulder as he started to sob. It was so stupid, crying on Eddie’s shoulder over one stupid asshole, but it wasn’t just Nate that had caused his breakdown. Buck’s ordeal that night was just the thing that pushed him over the edge.

“Just needed to feel safe,” Buck mumbled.

Eddie squeezed him tighter, carding his fingers through Buck’s hair as he cradled his head to his shoulder. “You are, Buck. You’re safe here. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“I know,” he almost whimpered, curling even further into Eddie’s embrace. “Why doesn’t anyone want me for me? They all just want to use me, whether it’s for a free meal, or to make someone jealous, or for sex. My only worth is what I give to people, and whatever I let them use me for.”

“Buck, that is not true at all,” Eddie told him, voice kind but firm. “There are so many people who love you just for who you are, not what you can do for them.”

“My own parents don’t even love me,” Buck mumbled.

“Your parents are selfish assholes. They don’t count.”

A tearful laugh escaped him at that, and he nodded in agreement. “Can’t argue with you there.”

“What happened that caused all this? Hmm? Whose ass do I need to kick?”

“I already kicked his ass,” Buck chuckled weakly. “Well, actually I broke his nose. That’s where the blood came from. And my headache.”

When he felt Eddie’s lips on the top of his head, a fresh batch of tears sprang to his eyes. If only Eddie felt the same, he wouldn’t have gone through all that he had.

“I’ve been using a dating app,” Buck confessed, sitting up a bit to look Eddie in the eyes. “I haven’t had a second date yet. They all just… They don’t want me, they want something from me. And tonight…” He shuddered, and Eddie grabbed his hand. “The date I had tonight, he just wanted sex. He said his friend used to know me, and that she said I was easy, so he thought… he thought buying me dinner earned him something. And then he wouldn’t take no for an answer…”

Eddie’s back went rigid, his eyes flashing with a blazing fury as he squeezed Buck’s hand. “Did he hurt you?”

Buck’s eyes went wide as he realized how that sounded. Shaking his head, he laid a hand on Eddie’s chest to sooth him. “No, nothing like that happened. He just… he pinned me against my car and ground into me, so I headbutted him and broke his nose.”

“Good job. I’m proud of you,” Eddie smiled, but his face switched right back to murderous. “I want his name.”

Buck shook his head, smiling with soft fondness as he raised his hand from Eddie’s chest to cradle his jaw. “I’m not going to give you a name so you can beat the snot out of him. He’s not worth it.”

“But you are.”

Buck’s breath caught in his throat at Eddie’s words and the sincerity in his eyes. Trying to break the spell, Buck dropped his eyes and took back his hands, crossing his arms over his chest. “No, I’m not. I think that’s been more than proven. I should just stop dating and be happy with what I’ve got.”

“Buck.” The way Eddie said his name sounded like a prayer. It sent a warm shiver down his spine, but Buck was determined to keep his eyes fixed on the couch cushion. So Eddie took Buck’s face in his hands and tilted his head up so cerulian would meet umber. “Buck, you don’t deserve any of the shit that’s happened to you.”

“Eddie--”

“I mean it, Buck. You see yourself as this selfish, unlovable, horrible person just because of how people have treated you. None of that is true. The way they’ve all treated you was a reflection of them, not you.” Brushing his thumbs across Buck’s cheekbones, he gently wiped away the tears that dared to fall. “You are kind, and loyal, and the most loving human being I have ever known. Everything you do, you do it with love. You take care of the people around you, whether they deserve it or not. You put everyone before yourself, even total strangers. And yes, we need to work on that, because you are important too, but that selflessness is one of the best things about you. You’re just so… good. Your heart is so pure and full of love. It’s breathtaking, the way you give love so freely.

“When we met, even with your attitude, I saw you. I could tell what kind of person you were underneath, and the way people talked about you just confirmed it. That’s why I didn’t give up until we became friends, because I knew that you were worth it. Meeting you turned my world upside down. You made me realize how lucky I was to have gone through every single awful thing that has ever happened to me, because it all led me to you. And I would do all of it again in a heartbeat just to make sure we would meet.”

Buck’s heart was pounding faster than a hummingbird’s wings as he watched tears form in Eddie’s soulful eyes. He could barely breathe, much less push his voice very far past his lips. “Why does this sound like a love confession?”

“Because it is.” Eddie smiled as a tear slipped down his cheek. “I love you.”

“Eddie…” Buck breathed, covering Eddie’s hands with his own. Every tear that fell was swept away by a delicate touch that only made Buck want to cry more.

“You don’t have to say it ba--”

“I love you, too.”

Eddie’s breath caught in his throat. “Yeah?”

Buck nodded, Eddie’s hands still cradling Buck’s jaw. “Yeah.”

“But the dates--”

“Were to try and get over you.”

A soft laugh that sounded more like a sob lit up Eddie’s face. “If it’s alright with you, I’d really like to kiss you now.”

“Please do,” Buck whispered, smiling brightly.

Every residual speck of fear melted away the second their lips met, but he wasn’t miraculously fixed. Buck hadn’t suddenly started loving himself, and his scars were still there. A few kind words and a gentle, loving kiss was never going to mend all the brokenness inside him. But for the first time in a very long time, Buck felt loved, and that was a great place to start.

**Author's Note:**

> spoilery detailed trigger warning:
> 
> Buck is held up against his car, wrists pinned, and the guy is grinding against him but both of them are fully clothed.


End file.
